Friday, May 20, 2005

Black Metal Dialogues

This is just about the most absurdly funny thing I've read in a long time. I love the guy's e-mail address, and I love his idea for a black metal CD-release party both in Oslo and in his hometown of Gary, Indiana:

"i am thinking a fall release, just as the leaves are changing and the earthly death that is winter cackles in the distance. i would like to have two record release "parties", one in oslo and one in my hometown of gary, indiana, where i am the king of black metal. both "parties" will involve a single goat, tethered to a tree with the letters "WT" painted on its side in pig's blood. these letters, of course, will stand for witch taint, the greatest and blackest band in all of black metal. we will string up loudspeakers in the trees near the goat. at precisely midnight, the infernal sounds of our crushing debut will begin to play at a volume never before acheived by modern man. and that is when i and the members of mysticum will appear on the horizon on horseback. we will approach the goat, coming just close enough that our faces become dappled with the reflection of dancing flames (oh yeah, we should have a fire near the goat. i forgot to mention this). we will sit motionless on the horses (we will have one for each of us) until the final track of our legendary debut is finished. then we will turn and ride off into the distance, leaving the tethered goat shivering in the night. someone is going to have to come and get the goat eventually because it will probably be a rental. maybe we could have the drummer from mysticum do this since he won't be on horseback with us. he should totally come to the party though. just because he can't be a member of witch taint, doeesn't mean he shouldn't be able to witness the majesty. i don't want to be a total dick to the guy or anything."

On a totally different note, I noticed that traffic to this site had jumped recently, so I took a look at my Site Meter to see what was up. Apparently it all stems from my post about The Mars Volta, because everyone in the world is online looking for shit about them. Site Meter allows me to see exactly what people typed into their search engine to get here, and the results can be pretty funny. Here are a few actual phrases people are typing into Google, with notes on when searches came from other countries:

cedric bixler is sex
the mars volta shirt meaning
the mars volta bootlegs (From Portuguese Google)
mars volta 2005 bootlegs (Canadian Google)
concertina mars volta meaning
omar rodriguez lopez pics (Canadian Google)
mars volta songs (Canadian Google)
mars volta show review
mars volta t-shirt
meaning in mars volta songs
cedric bixler zavala pics
meaning mars volta songs (Dutch Google)
the mars volta shirt (Finnish Google)
omar rodriguez glasses
the mars volta guitar player
sounds like the mars volta (Canadian Google)
Cedric Bixler-Zavala voice
mars volta noises meanings (UK Google)
omar rodriguez-lopez uses boss

I should also note that I got a LOT of page views from people searching for The Fucking Champs, the KISS midget tribute band and Cheetie Kumar. I also got one that looked to be from Arabic Google searching (in English) for "the best musical sexy girls."

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